Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
