Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
