Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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