I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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