I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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