talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
