It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
