i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
