There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
