it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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