I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
