I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
