I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
