It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
