I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
