I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
