shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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