So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize