Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Farmville is her only friend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
