I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize