He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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