hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
being pregnant is like rehab
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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