forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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