my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
