I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
love makes seman taste better
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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