there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
