We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize