i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
