Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
