I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
