Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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