Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
