Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize