I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
