When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
