I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize