Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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