I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
