i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
