love makes seman taste better
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
