i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
