Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
