If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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