The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
