great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you traded sex for a burrito?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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