I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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