i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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