If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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