He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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