Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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