There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
