I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
