I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
