Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
