She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
