I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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