If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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