He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dicks are not precious.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
