a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
