Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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