He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
