You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
