It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
