fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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