Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
