Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
