I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
