Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
