Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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