I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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