I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
PANTIES FOUND
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