Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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