I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
