shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize