oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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