'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
