I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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