I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
