Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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