Pants 0. Shit 1.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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