apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
