the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
