he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
