David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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