Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
