So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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