Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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