Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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