I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
