I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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