i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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