You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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