Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
