we're blogging at a bar
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
