im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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