I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my sisters under your porch take her home
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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