awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
