I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
