I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize