$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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